GREAT Grandma Sally's first great-grandchild is born and, soon, when the parents need a break, she is given the job of watching her.
"Let me see the little cutie," begs Sally's best friend, Gerty.
"Not yet," Sally says.
Gerty asks again five minutes later and Sally again refuses.
Another five minutes pass, Gerty asks but gets the same response. And now she's angry.
"What are you waiting for?" she fumes.
"I'm waiting for her to cry," Sally says.
"Why is that?" Gerty asks.
"Well, because I put her down earlier and I can't remember where."
Out of breath
BILL was in the hospital on his death bed, so the family called the priest to be with him in his final moments.
As the priest stood by the bed, Bill's condition deteriorated quickly. Bill motioned to the priest to quickly pass him a pen and paper.
The priest did as he was told and handed the pen and paper to Bill.
Bill scribbled something down and handed it back to the priest. But before he had a chance to read the note, Bill died.
The priest, feeling that now wasn't the right time to read it, put the note in his jacket pocket.
It was at the funeral while speaking that the priest remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the priest said: "That night, before Bill died, he handed me a note and, knowing Bill, I'm sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from." He pulled out the note which read; "For God's sake move, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"