A CONCERNED husband goes to a doctor to talk about his wife.
He says to the medico: "Doctor, my wife is turning 40 and I think she is becoming deaf.
"She never hears anything I say and I'm always having to repeat myself."
"Well," the doctor replies, "you need to do this test. Go home tonight and stand about 3m from her and say something.
"If she doesn't reply, move a metre closer and say it again. Keep doing this, moving closer each time until she answers, to get an idea of the severity of her deafness."
The husband goes home and does exactly as the doctor instructed.
He starts about 3m from his wife, who is in the kitchen at the bench chopping some vegetables, and say, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He hears no response, so moves a metre closer and asks again.
He moves a metre closer and repeats the question.
Still no reply.
He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable casserole!"
Out of luck
TWO punters are lamenting their lack of success on Cup Day yesterday.
"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip," one of the blokes says.
His mate replies, "That's nothing. My horse was so late getting home, he had to take his shoes off and tiptoe into the stable."