I WAS watching a show the other night called Who's that model in the mirror?
Amazing plastic surgery makeovers, which showed the incredible transformation of old hags into beautiful swans.
It got me thinking about getting some work done.
All those years outdoors on the farm have left my skin wrinkled and leathery, a neck like a turkey and my eyes permanently in a squint.
I want to look more Georgia Jagger and less like Mick Jagger. What do you think?
Before you make any decision, make sure you watch the sequel to that program - Who's that monster in the mirror? World's worst plastic surgery stuff-ups.
Because things can go horribly wrong.
Just ask Sam Newman and Shane Warne.
I had a friend who just had some work done. I didn't know until she turned up the other night looking like something out of a horror movie. But it was Halloween and I thought she had come trick or treating.
When I complimented her on her scary mask, she asked, "What mask?"
Turns out she'd been to Thailand on one of those budget cosmetic makeover tours. She chose the celebrity of the month special which, judging by the results, it must have been Michael Jackson month.
She got her ears pinned, a nose job, eye lift, lip fillers, cheek augmentation and chemical face peel. Have you seen what a chemical peel does to your face?
I think I'd rather be mulesed.
The old whacker said she looked like an oil painting, which was true - Picasso's Weeping Woman.
So I'd think twice about having any work done. Far better to spend your money on a five-star beach resort in Thailand than a hospital bed.
Be proud of your face even if it does look like a battered old Sherrin.
All those wrinkles and lines represent your rich life experience. Each one tells a story. They give you character and wisdom and authority.
And best of all, no one ever bothers asking to see your seniors card when you buy stuff.