A MAN and his mate are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the blokes has driven clear on to the fairway and is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer for a minute before returning to his game.
His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen.
"You truly are a kind man."
The man replies, "Yeah, well we were married for 35 years."
A YOUNG man applies for a job as mechanic.
The boss says, "Can you tip your head, roll your cap down your arm and pop it back on your head?"
The young mechanic is slightly confused by the question but nods.
"Can you play light sabres with your wrench and another man's screwdriver?"
"Oh yes," says the young mechanic enthusiastically.
"Can you bounce your screwdriver off the cement, grab it, whirl it around and put it in your belt like a gun?"
"Sir, I've been doing that for years!" says the wannabe mechanic, now clearly on a roll.
"Well in that case, I can't use you," the boss says.
"I have 12 men doing those things already!"