BUILDERS Jack and Bob were returning from a job hours away when they were caught in a thunderstorm and flash flood.
They had to pull into a farm and ask if they could spend the night until the flood receded.
An attractive, middle-aged lady answered the door, and the pair explained their plight and asked if they could camp there for the night.
"Of course," she answered.
"But I am a recent widow and it would not be proper for you to stay in the house, so you can sleep in the shearing shed."
They left early the next morning and Jack never thought any more about the incident until nine months later when he got a letter from the widow's solicitor.
He confronted his partner Bob the next morning.
"Remember when we had to stay in that shed during that flood last winter, you didn't happen to visit the widow during the night and say it was me, did you?"
"Uh well, actually I did," Bob admitted looking a little sheepish.
"Sorry about that."
"No problem," Jack said, laughing.
"She just died and left me the farm."
Death by numbers
A LAWYER died suddenly in his sleep and as he entered the Pearly Gates trumpets blared.
St Peter approached him with his hand outstretched.
"Congratulations, you are the oldest person ever to arrive here."
"There must be some mistake," the lawyer replied.
"I'm only 40 years old."
"Impossible," St Peter replied.
"We added up your billable hours and it came to 160 years."
BILL went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.
"Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
"I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it.
"Top, under, top, under ...
you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink.
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Bill.
Six months later the doctor met Bill on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred bucks a visit? Me mate Brian cured me for 10 dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed."