A PASSENGER in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the gutter and stopped just inches from a large plate-glass window.
For a moment everything was silent, and then the shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologised to the driver and said he didn't realise a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today Is my first day driving a cab ... for the past 25 years I've been driving a hearse."
DAVE has been a tight-wad his whole life and drove everyone mad with his thrifty ways.
But now he is dying and his family has gathered around.
Dave looks up at them and asks, "Is everybody here? Where's Bessie?"
"I'm here," his wife says.
"We're here, Dad," they reply.
"Don't worry Dave, everybody is here," Bessie reassures him.
Dave calls Bessie over to him and whispers, "Well, if everybody's here then why is the light on in the kitchen?"
THE cricket captain looks at his ageing, lacklustre batsman as he pads up. "You know, it's a pity you didn't take up the game earlier than you did," the captain says.
"You mean I'd be even better than I am now? " asks the batsman.
"No. It's possible you'd have given it up sooner."