Last Updated: July 31, 2014

Weather: Canberra 5°C - 17°C . Wind increasing. Sunny.

A hole lot of wombat trouble

WALWA’S Janice Newnham had a scare when a brand new baby cow went missing on her property.

Orange the new black for MP

Orange the new black for MP
BLIMEY, what’s this? Is North East Victoria’s new MP going off on holiday already?

Juggling trout a tricky game

FOCUS Buxton Trout farm with Mitch MacRae
“DON’T worry, I got him, no I don’t, hang on, whoops, just give me a sec I’ll just ... aaarrggh.”

Laughing gear: Good whisky

Laughing gear: Good whisky
BILL went fishing one morning but after a short time he ran out of prawns.

Dear Agnes: Hairdresser change

Dear Agnes: Hairdresser change
DEAR Agnes, What’s your advice on changing hairdressers?

Stretch and twist off to sleep

Stretch and twist off to sleep
MORE proof — if it was really needed — that a mutt can sleep anywhere, anytime and in any position.

Every race a winner for Cramp

Shayne Cramp
MILDURA trainer Shayne Cramp trained every winner in the eight-race card at Mildura last week.

Senator Canavan’s text mishap

Senate Doors
MATT Canavan, Nationals Senator, once called Barnaby Joyce “babe” and told him he loved him.

NZ wants skippy or Tasmania

NZ wants skippy or Tasmania
KANGAROOS or Tasmania — that is the ultimatum a Kiwi pizza chain has presented Australia.

No need for a mattress

No need for a mattress
UNLIKE us humans, man’s best friend doesn’t need a wussy, chiropractically correct bed to get a decent sleep.

Duncan’s bog standard

Duncan’s bog standard
IT takes a brave man to admit he bogged his tractor, but a truly courageous to admit to doing it twice.

Dear Agnes: The Big Smoke

Dear Agnes: The Big Smoke
DEAR Agnes, I have to make a journey to The Big Smoke shortly but I am somewhat nervous.

Laughing Gear: Mistaken zip

Laughing Gear: Mistaken zip
A WOMAN tried to board a bus, but her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t make the step up.

Case of gran designs

Bendigo Sheep & Wool
BACK Paddock loves a bit of fashion, especially when it involves at least a bale full of wool in every outfit.

Dear Agnes: Talkative neighbours

Dear Agnes: Talkative neighbours
DEAR Agnes, What is one to do when they see their friendly, talkative neighbour coming down the drive?

Nesting’s for turkeys

Deutscher's Turkey Farm, Dadswells Bridge
NOEL Padgham from Darwin reckons human males are not the only species to embrace feminism.

Wurst comes to worst

Wurst comes to worst
CREDIT where it is due to Darren Chester, who is apparently Australia’s “most respected” local MP.

I’d chat about that

I’d chat about that
SUSAN Davies from Monomeith near Pakenham got a laugh from this notice in her local paper.

Laughing gear: False alarm

Laughing gear: False alarm
A DRUNK man stumbles out of the bar and phones the police to report that thieves had been in his car.

Nothing like a dormant dog

Nothing like a dormant dog
HOW much better would the world be if we looked at a picture of sleeping puppies to start the day?

Woodend’s mighty mushies

Woodend’s mighty mushies
FOLLOWING our big mushy pictures recently, Lynny Ingles from Woodend, offers these beauties.

Hats off to Mr Pyne

Hats off to Mr Pyne
CHRISTOPHER Pyne, the Liberal MP many people love to hate, can’t be accused of ignoring the bush.

Laughing gear: Dog act

Laughing gear: Dog act
A GUY walks into a bar with his dog and says, “I’ll have a scotch and water and my dog a whiskey sour”.

Ask Agnes: Deep breathes

Ask Agnes: Deep breathes
DEAR Agnes, I am still horrified when my Vauxhall Viva (Trixie) and I are pulled up by the police.

Handy half-quack flankers

Supplied Editorial Fwd: Lovely weather for ducks, Mountain Road Reserve (Cockatoo) Emerald verse Seville U/18 game 5
IT was great weather for ducks at the under-18s match between Emerald and Seville on Saturday.

Sheep on Tour de France

Sheep on Tour de France
IN A clear sign of friendship, France has handed over famous event, the Tour de France, to England.

Some take it the lying down

Some take it the lying down
DOGS always know how to find a comfortable place to snooze.

Ask Agnes: Head banging

Ask Agnes: Head banging
DEAR Agnes. Why do they have to play the music so loud at weddings?

Laughing gear: Sound sleep

Laughing gear: Sound sleep
AN ELDERLY doctor who has been working in a country town for most of his life, finally retires.

Broad advice from a Mallee man

 New Member for Mallee Andrew Broad and Nationals leader Warren Truss in Swan Hill.
WHO would have guessed the broad talents of Andrew Broad.
Weekly Times Back Paddock

Echuca permit ‘unlikely’

 Echuca dairy sale. Ian Maddison. Auctioneers and agents.

AN Echuca beef farmer is unlikely to succeed in winning a permit to keep farming.

Breakaway Bears wary of trap

 Picola & District Football League, South East Division. Senior Premiers, Tungamah

SHOULD reigning premier Tungamah lose its last three home-and-away matches, the club would still finish top.

$320m farm for Geelong

$320m farm for Geelong

UPDATE: A $320-million horticulture farm will be built on 150ha at Avalon, near Geelong, generating $160m a year.

Xerion 5000, top of the class

Xerion 5000, top of the class

CLAAS has stepped into the 500hp-plus heavyweight division with the Australian arrival of its Xerion 5000.

Pub the hub of Warracknabeal

 Kevin and Sally Gebert, who made a creek-change to Warracknabeal's Commercial Hotel from inner-city Sydney in 2011. Pictured...

WARRACKNABEAL is still catching its communal breath after Sally and Kevin Gebert moved to town.